The Bank App Only Works When You Are Broke
A full set on Nigerian banking apps, transfer alerts that arrive three days late, the POS agent who is now the economy, and a listener confession involving a wrong account number.
The Aunty Interrogation Protocol
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Show notes
The Aunty Interrogation Protocol
You have not found a chair yet and she is already asking when your own wedding is. Tobenna breaks the whole encounter into stages so you can at least see it coming.
- Stage one: the handshake that holds your hand slightly too long
- Stage two: the question disguised as a compliment about your weight
- Stage three: the phone comes out and there is a photo of somebody's daughter in Canada
- Three listener voice notes from people who went home for Christmas and came back changed
- Who Sent You: a listener admits he faked a work call to escape a family lunch
If an aunty is listening to this, we love you, please stop.
Transcript
Hello hello, good evening, welcome. My name is Tobenna Eze and this is Nobody Told Lagos, the show where I say the thing everybody in this city is already thinking. Today we are dealing with a serious matter. The aunty interrogation. You arrive at a wedding, you have not even found a chair, and somebody's aunty appears from the side like a referee and asks, so when is your own? When is my own what, ma? My own suffering? We are going to break down the full protocol tonight, from the opening handshake to the moment she brings out her phone to show you a photo of somebody's daughter in Canada. I also have three voice notes from listeners who survived Christmas, and one who did not. Settle down, charge your phone while there is light. You are listening on Witspeak Podcasts!
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