The Aunty Interrogation Protocol
Tobenna maps every stage of a Nigerian aunty's questioning at a wedding, from the handshake to the surprise phone photo of someone's daughter, with listener voice notes from survivors of Christmas.
The Bank App Only Works When You Are Broke
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Show notes
The Bank App Only Works When You Are Broke
Tobenna has a theory: the app checks your balance first and then decides whether to load. This week he tests the theory on air with a live transfer that does not go through.
- Why the transfer alert arrives on Tuesday for money sent on Saturday
- The POS agent in front of the pharmacy who now runs the local economy
- A dramatic reading of customer care chat transcripts, every line of them
- Listener voice notes about the one time the network was fast and nobody trusted it
- Who Sent You: a listener sent rent to a stranger and the stranger called to thank him
Next week we are going to the airport. Bring your own patience.
Transcript
Good evening, good evening, my people. It is Tobenna Eze, this is Nobody Told Lagos, and tonight we are talking about money. Not having money, that is a different show. Tonight is about the app. The bank app. I have a theory and I am going to prove it live. The app checks your balance before it loads. If you have money, it opens. If you are broke, it shows you that small circle, the circle of shame, spinning like it is thinking about your life choices. I am going to attempt a transfer of two thousand naira right now while you listen, and we will see together whether it lands before Sunday. Then we talk about the POS woman in front of the pharmacy who has become the central bank of my street. Stay with me. You are listening on Witspeak Podcasts!
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